“Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.” - William Faulkner
I am a perfectionist. This came as surprise to me when I learned this 4 years ago during a leadership class that I was taking. I had always thought of perfectionist as someone who worked and worked and worked until they got something right. I always thought perfectionist were the type of people that took criticism well, because it helped them be better. I am have never been either of those things. If I couldn't do something perfectly, I gave up. If someone criticized me, I gave up. Ask my parents or any of my teachers (I am talking about you Jeff Losch). It wasn't something I realized, but it's the truth.
So, how does someone who needs to be perfect and can't take criticism decide they want to be an author, a profession that is filled with critiquing you for not being perfect? When I take the time to think about it, it all started back when we lived in New York City. This was a difficult time for me. We actually loved where we lived and the fantastic friends that we made. However, I was in a tough job situation. Tough is the wrong word. Miserable. Let's go with that. Any confidence I had in my abilities was gone during that time. I had no belief that I could do anything well at all, ever again. Then one day, a few weeks after I left my job, a friend invited me to play in a soccer league with him. Normally, I would have said no because I didn't want to embarrass myself and hurt the team. But something pushed me to go and it wasn't just Amy. Don't me wrong, she encouraged me to go and try, but something else told me to just do it. So, I did.
Here is the thing. I didn't play that great. I made a lot of mistakes and probably hurt the team at times. That should have crushed me, but it didn't. I even went back and played a few more times with them. I am not sure I ever really contributed to the team, but I enjoyed it. I learned that I didn't have to be perfect to do something. I could just do something, no matter what it was, have fun and grow while doing it. A few months later, I started writing my first book.
Fast forward 5 years later and I am still writing that book. After I sent it to an editor I received intense criticism. And even though it wasn't in a malicious way, it still hurt. I sat on those edits for a long time feeling like I wasn't good enough and I should just stop. Until a few weeks ago when I remembered it didn't need to be perfect. It just needed to be my best. Just like that soccer team in New York City. And here I am today, getting closer to my dream.
